Saturday of the First Week of Lent Service- The Cathedral Church of Saint Mark - Salt Lake City, UT - March 15th, 2014

        My visit to the Cathedral Church of Saint Mark was for me a chance to see a lot of what I like about organized religion, mixed with the reason on why I don't see myself ever becoming a complete believer in a Deity, and why I consider myself Agnostic.

     What I like about religion is social action and involvement with helping surrounding area and community, the quiet place for thought it can give as well as a place to think on ethics and in many cases provide good ethics as well as social justice in regards to helping the poor and equal rights and treatment of women and members of the LBGTQ community.

     First to describe the location. The church is old, dating back to the late 1800's and has two buildings connected to it. The Episcopal Center of Utah, which is their headquarters and the Hildegarde's food pantry, which provides food to homeless in the area.
   

    The pantry is somewhere I could see myself volunteering because of the direct action and help it gives in peoples lives. It also doesn't discriminate like some religious agencies and groups do in regards to who they help and serve. This living love and treating all with fairness and equality is what I look for in any group, especially one that ties so much of its identity into something greater than itself.

         The main building has a gate and garden, as well as a bell at the very top. Inside the Cathedral is the main area with the altar and on the other side a beautiful organ, much like Cathedral of the Madeleine's, the Catholic Cathedral that is the street behind Saint Mark's. The area where we had the service was in a tiny chapel that was right next to the main altar. It was here that the Eucharist was kept and candles covered another altar.

          Now for the service. At the service there were four people present, including the priest. The priest was a kind older man from Tennessee. The service began with the Confession of Sin and after Trisagion, which reads:

Holy God,

Holy and Mighty,

Holly Immortal One,

Have Mercy Upon us.

   After were the readings, which were Genesis, when Abram is blessed by God and goes out, followed up by Paul's Letter to the Romans about how Spirit can only beget Spirit and Flesh can only beget flesh, and ending with Jesus's famous quote from that day's reading from John about "No one can come through the Father except through me," and that the "Son did not come to condemn, but to save."

 

        The homily described faith as the main thing that Grace is something so beyond us that we can never understand it, but that it gives us more than we know. I understand the idea theologically of Grace but find that I can't fully believe in it or really anything like it...whatever comes from something that I cannot see or know I can only doubt. This is a major reason I don't think I could join most organized religions. I may think there is something greater simple due to probability for the complexity of life and possibilities of the universe. But I cannot know. There is no way for me to test, so I continue to explore and learn and grow. It is in these halls that the ethics of Christ's life are an inspiration to me and the social action in the community of truly living with love towards all. 

    It was a great service and I enjoyed talking to the priest and two of the colder congregants afterword. We mostly talked about how much Salt Lake City has changed and a bit more of the community of Saint Mark's. Who I look forward to visiting again.

Ash Wednesday Noon Service - Saint James Episcopal Church - Midvale, UT - March 5th, 2014

      Saint James Episcopal Church was the perfect place to spend my afternoon of Ash Wednesday. The church is large but simple, inside there are rafters, a simple altar and purple tapestries in honor of the coming of Easter. The congregation is the largest Episcopal community I've seen outside of Issaquah and Olympia and the Priests and Deacons are all older.

 

        Getting to the Church was an experience in and of itself. From where I'm staying it was an hour walking up hill, which lead to great reflection once I was there. I was able take time to explore the grounds and found the memorial to one of the members who died. There was also an amphitheater behind the Church and in front, "God is Love." A message that is very New Testament God and Christianity.

     The service itself was very powerful. I didn't have a program, but because of it being High Church, I knew what to say at the right time in regards to the congregation call and response and even the psalms were familiar. It was a silent service and there was no music, all psalms were read and there were many moments of silence and reflection throughout the service. Suffice to say it was my type of service. The priest who spoke, spoke about reflection and incorporated in that we face ourselves in our relation to others is key. The reading from the Bible was Matthew where Jesus said only the hypocrites trumpet their good deeds and that good deeds should be done in secret and that what rewards we get are in Heaven and that is how we should live.

    It was a powerful sermon and I definitely plan on visiting again. The focus on reflection and silent action spoke to me of integrity and that you have to be clear with yourself in order to be clear with God and that for many the time before Easter is when they do that, in reflecting and in facing ones shadows, being reborn in the light.

Eucharist Morning Service - Church of the Resurrection - Bellevue, WA - October 24th, 2013

       The Eucharistic service today was just what I needed for the panic that was to hit later in the day. As I write this I just dealt with my bank account being robbed for the first time, it is kind of hard to remain calm under such duress but the service today did help keep me calm all things considered.

    The service was meditative and it was small, I was one of the other two people there. It also was a bit of a history lesson since the lesson was around "Holy Men, Holy Women" which took examples of Saints and people who lived Christ like through history and incorporated them into the reading. The reading was about King Alfred who was able to save a lot of the history in England from the invasions and also commissioned the creation of schools in England. The readings had to do with wise kings, and he is seemed to fit that description for his time, according the reading.

     It was here I realized it much easier to meditate though when there is a large group. I right around the altar with the other person in the small pews nearby and at times it felt like the ritual of the prayers was overtaking the point of them. It was after the Eucharist that I had the chance to start letting everything sink in, before that there were chants and prayers that I've read in every mass, which were hard to think on during the process of because we simply would move on to the next part of the service.

   The Pastor was kind though, and I do plan on grabbing coffee with her at some point. The Church of the Resurrection is a beautiful Church.

     One thing I've noticed while doing these visits, they've helped me with expressing my own beliefs. As much I appreciate the High Church and the rituals of Christianity, I don't think I'll ever be a Christian. Knowing that God exists for one thing, and all the miracles of the book, not to mention seeing things in the older book as Good are steps I cannot take, for any leap I need more certainty than I've experienced, I need more proof for claims so great. If I had to define myself I would consider myself an Agnostic Humanist and definitely closest to the Unitarian Universalism faith that I grew up in through high school. It's ethics most match up to what I see as the closest we understand Good at the current time, though I do consider my experiences with Christianity and Buddhism to have also influenced my beliefs within humanism and mysticism.

"All are Welcome" - St. Paul's Episcopal Church - Salem, OR - June 3rd, 2013

       The Episcopal Church community's is one of the Christian communities I've always felt the most connected in. The Church has the tradition of Orthodox and Catholicism of Old Mass that I've always like about those 2 faiths, but the liberal approach to faith and Mass that for me has always captured the good in any community. All are welcome to partake in communion that was a big part of the discussion with the priest after the service.

        The openness of some of the sects in allowing all to partake in communion or the service is one thing that has always made me appreciate what open religion is capable of. It is a way of recognizing shared humanity and within that all that can be accomplished. I've seen this in the activism towards Marriage Equality and Immigrant rights within the Episcopal Church...this largely is motivated I think from following the "Spirit of the Law" rather than "The Letter of the Law," since the Holy Books of the Abrahamic Faiths aren't the most compassionate, virtuous or loving of books. It isn't difficult to find barbarism in the form of law being laid down by God. In this way no religion really follows all of the tenants, even the most fundamentalist
choose to ignore the laws that would end them up in prison if followed through on.

    If  you want to know ethics and how to live with virtue, your best bet is philosophy. It is there where the rational and logical formation of ethical codes are founded, critiqued and changed. Within religion there may be elements, but the moment the Supernatural enters, it adds more unknown factors that cannot necessarily be rationally or empirically proven.

    St. Paul's Chapel is small but in doing it is rather intimate. There were only a few people there as I took part in Communion and the prayers around it.

   During the service and prayers I felt the warmth I sometimes have experienced visiting certain communities. The warmth is around the chest and is almost like a high in a way. I don't know why it happens but it does usually happen connected with certain prayers and atmospheres of places. I've felt it at concerts before or when connecting to a person or group of people to a lesser extent. It's strange, and it's something I should analyze more deeply next time I experience it.

   The experience and conversation with the priest again reminded me of why I enjoyed creating this blog in the first place. Each experience is a small adventure, and what will happen whether it is unpleasant, wonderful or a mixture of the two differs from community and place as the Outsider travels. 

 

Saint Benedict Episcopal Church - Lacey, WA - April 3rd, 2011

      This week I was in Olympia, finishing up the last evaluation conferences for college. As of now, I am all set to graduate. While I was down in Olympia I set up visiting one of my friend's Church. She is a member of Saint Benedict Episcopal Church.

    On the way to the Church we talked about life, religion, school and my post graduation plans. It was wonderful catching up with her again. She is like a Great Aunt to me and I care about her friendship and perspective deeply. Like me she's a bit of a searcher in regards to understanding God and the Universe, and both of us come from divorced families. I've done a few contracts with her and the campus minister which is what our friendship arose out of.

    The sermon was powerful. The deacon, an older woman preached on the story of the blind man who Jesus heals, and the ending comment he makes about the blindness of the pharisee...which she explained had to do with all of our blindness. The deacon preached from personal experience of growing up with prejudice against gay and transgender people (the Priest is a lesbian at Saint Benedict's and for a while there was conflict in the congregation over it, leading to some people joining the Anglican Church nearby). Many of the people came back, echoing the Deacon's own story of overcoming her blindness towards her fellow human beings through God and getting to know people whom are gay. It was a powerful sermon and was one of the best ones I have heard anywhere.

     The service happened on the fourth Sunday of Lent, and reflected this. The main Priest did the Children's Sermon and preached to them about silence as one of the Lenten guides. "What is the color of silence? What does silence mean?" These questions the kids had great answers too. For the color silence, most answers were black and one answer was white. For the answer to the second question, "Expecting, anxiousness" essentially possibility. This was something that I had only seen at Eastshore Unitarian Church with "The Story for all Ages." It was nice and a good way to get kids involved in the service before they went to Sunday school.

   It was one of the best masses I have attended and embraced the Lenten themes so beautifully. Beyond the liturgical practices of saying the ten commandments, a psalm, and the Eucharist. "The Prayers to the People,"  was done in which the prayer to God for the members of the faith and the world were done. The people in the audience answered by solemnly singing, "Kyrie, kyrie, eleison." During service I felt that creative connection in which images came with connection...characters from stories and creatures from mythology. I've come to understand when this occurs I feel the most connection to place, and maybe something more? I don't know. I always question since it has happened in more then one faith community.

     After the service I met many of my friend's friends. It was great getting to know many of them and how they are involved with the church. Talking to so many people about part of my story, and hearing their stories was a gift. The greatest gift of this blog is the experience with the unknown and people. The good and the bad. I say the bad because there was a guy around my age who said when he'd see me next I better know Jesus. Whether it was joking or not, it was polar opposite of the reactions I received before, and reminded me of the Catholic Exorcist at the Newman Center who believed the Church had done no wrong.What I know is that I can act with that arrogance as well. The experiences that are uncomfortable are just as relevant times for self reflection as the times of peace.

     It was a wonderful visit and I look forward to returning when I come back to Olympia to visit again. I have realized now...if ever I converted to Christianity and became a believer, I would be an Episcopal. This is the faith that is most likely to have gay marriage soon and is one of the greatest faiths for helping other believers overcome the prejudice and fear in the name of love towards gays by many Christians. We all have the power to help others overcome that prejudice, but it's the believers who speak the language of experience that can help others understand, and use the language of what Christian's know as the "Word of God" to do so.

Saint Michael and All Angels Episcopal Church - Issaquah, WA - March 27th, 2011

      Hey everybody! On the issue of the blog being a ministry or not. I talked to one of my friends who gave me good explanation on why she thinks it is. I hope my and others' insights and experiences  outside and through this blog can help or continue to help you on your journeys, and hopefully I will be able to do faith visits with more of you in the future!

      How would I describe Saint Michael and All Angels Episcopal Church? My experience with the community was one of the greatest ones I've had. It was the first time were I was told I could take communion. Which I will talk about later in the blog. The music was amazing! They have an old choir and the old hymns I have always found peace in. The church building is under construction and the community is fair size and extremely kind.

    At service there was a call for people with birthdays to come up and receive a blessing from the Priest. She didn't notice me at first, and I was surprised I took the initiative, most visits I tend to stick around in the back and not sit in the front. I wasn't noticed at first, but I got a few birthday wishes. My birthday was the next day.

     The sermon was about sticking to the end to discover how Jesus can change you. The example of the Samaritan Women who ended up seeing him as Christ and took responsibility for her questionable past was contrasted with Nicodemus who wasn't willing to give up his wealth to follow Jesus. In the story it laid down some of the signs for what would happen on the cross and at Easter with the resurrection.

    After the Nicene Creed was quoted (which reminded me of Catholic Mass where it's roots come from). It was at that time I was also aware how I am not a Christian. I see the possibility of it being true metaphorically (Three in One being/Trinity, resurrection, ect.) I just don't see it as probable, and think their are enough doubts about the texts for them not to be literal events exactly recorded. The theologian Marcus Borg's thoughts about the what happened (they were recorded by his followers post his death, and that they did experience something that inspired them to believe Jesus was God and rose from the dead) makes more sense to me. Regardless, it's the actions that I do, and that people do that matter I think. That's what defines us more so then any belief about reality.

     It was for this reason I was surprised that I was offered communion. Me, a total stranger who has great appreciation for the virtue in many of Jesus's messages (not all of them I think are virtuous though) and who is the Outsider was offered communion.

    I think I understand a bit more now why the Eucharist and communion is so central to many Christian churches. When the Priest gave me the wafer dipped in wine, it was the most aware I've ever been of what I was eating. "This is the bread of life." She said. I don't know if that's true, but the reverence of those around me (and that I myself showed for the symbol) transcended to the experience...or maybe something outside of me touched me. I'm not sure. Regardless, I felt alive.

     Afterwords I talked to the Priest, the Choir director and the old gentlemen who was sitting next to me during Mass. Involvement again became a huge theme...and honestly I need to think about it. It really depends on both parties. There is me the agnostic Theist who is clearly not a Christian, who calls himself outsider invited to take part in another's community in song and volunteer work. Whatever I decide on, I'm not going to stop exploring and visiting different communities. If I do settle somewhere where their is mutual acceptance then the community will have to know that this blog won't be stopping. Which means some Sundays I'll be missing. Strangely enough, the Outsider has found many places that he has connected to and hopes to return to as well as the journey and exploration continues here in Washington and beyond.