The Eucharistic service today was just what I needed for the panic that was to hit later in the day. As I write this I just dealt with my bank account being robbed for the first time, it is kind of hard to remain calm under such duress but the service today did help keep me calm all things considered.
The service was meditative and it was small, I was one of the other two people there. It also was a bit of a history lesson since the lesson was around "Holy Men, Holy Women" which took examples of Saints and people who lived Christ like through history and incorporated them into the reading. The reading was about King Alfred who was able to save a lot of the history in England from the invasions and also commissioned the creation of schools in England. The readings had to do with wise kings, and he is seemed to fit that description for his time, according the reading.
It was here I realized it much easier to meditate though when there is a large group. I right around the altar with the other person in the small pews nearby and at times it felt like the ritual of the prayers was overtaking the point of them. It was after the Eucharist that I had the chance to start letting everything sink in, before that there were chants and prayers that I've read in every mass, which were hard to think on during the process of because we simply would move on to the next part of the service.
The Pastor was kind though, and I do plan on grabbing coffee with her at some point. The Church of the Resurrection is a beautiful Church.
One thing I've noticed while doing these visits, they've helped me with expressing my own beliefs. As much I appreciate the High Church and the rituals of Christianity, I don't think I'll ever be a Christian. Knowing that God exists for one thing, and all the miracles of the book, not to mention seeing things in the older book as Good are steps I cannot take, for any leap I need more certainty than I've experienced, I need more proof for claims so great. If I had to define myself I would consider myself an Agnostic Humanist and definitely closest to the Unitarian Universalism faith that I grew up in through high school. It's ethics most match up to what I see as the closest we understand Good at the current time, though I do consider my experiences with Christianity and Buddhism to have also influenced my beliefs within humanism and mysticism.
The Episcopal Church community's is one of the Christian communities I've always felt the most connected in. The Church has the tradition of Orthodox and Catholicism of Old Mass that I've always like about those 2 faiths, but the liberal approach to faith and Mass that for me has always captured the good in any community. All are welcome to partake in communion that was a big part of the discussion with the priest after the service.
The openness of some of the sects in allowing all to partake in communion or the service is one thing that has always made me appreciate what open religion is capable of. It is a way of recognizing shared humanity and within that all that can be accomplished. I've seen this in the activism towards Marriage Equality and Immigrant rights within the Episcopal Church...this largely is motivated I think from following the "Spirit of the Law" rather than "The Letter of the Law," since the Holy Books of the Abrahamic Faiths aren't the most compassionate, virtuous or loving of books. It isn't difficult to find barbarism in the form of law being laid down by God. In this way no religion really follows all of the tenants, even the most fundamentalist
choose to ignore the laws that would end them up in prison if followed through on.
If you want to know ethics and how to live with virtue, your best bet is philosophy. It is there where the rational and logical formation of ethical codes are founded, critiqued and changed. Within religion there may be elements, but the moment the Supernatural enters, it adds more unknown factors that cannot necessarily be rationally or empirically proven.
St. Paul's Chapel is small but in doing it is rather intimate. There were only a few people there as I took part in Communion and the prayers around it.
During the service and prayers I felt the warmth I sometimes have experienced visiting certain communities. The warmth is around the chest and is almost like a high in a way. I don't know why it happens but it does usually happen connected with certain prayers and atmospheres of places. I've felt it at concerts before or when connecting to a person or group of people to a lesser extent. It's strange, and it's something I should analyze more deeply next time I experience it.
The experience and conversation with the priest again reminded me of why I enjoyed creating this blog in the first place. Each experience is a small adventure, and what will happen whether it is unpleasant, wonderful or a mixture of the two differs from community and place as the Outsider travels.
What does it mean to be a member of a faith group? Is it okay to question and to be agnostic within a faith tradition? I'm curious to hear your thoughts on it. I'll explain my own point of view and what happened at the service in the following post.
The service was unquestioning of dogma. Essentially. "If you don't believe with the policies of the papacy, then get out."
The service itself was quite beautiful, though that undercurrent of fear didn't add to the connection with anything higher, even with the church pulling out all the stops. From bell ringing during the Eucharist, large candle sticks, an ethereal choir and good music. Which I think showed for me that creative/mystic experiences can't always be simply created.
I wasn't there for the first reading, but the second reading tied into the theme of obedience. Now I can understand this theme but I think it ties into trust. A trust that I don't feel many religious figures (and other people) have truly earned. It can lead to problems too, such as Cardinal Ratzinger order that abuse should not be reported until 18 years after and should only be dealt with in house (much like how Penn State for years "dealt with it" in House). http://www.independent.ie/national-news/now-pope-linked-to-child-abuse-coverup-2098327.html
The Church didn't deal with the sex abuse cover up until long after, and it's only been recently that we've been seeing secular justice applied to these people who hid these atrocities...and even then, the now Pope Benedict will never be held accountable unless those who are members speak up.
We see this happening in the Orthodox Jewish communities too in regards to abuse and in other communities that try to cut themselves off from "The World" and in turn claim to be above it, even when their mistakes question the validity of that claim of being God's chosen or being guided by something more than any other group or person on Earth.
The Decon who was giving the service seemed completely unaware or in denial over this point. Simply saying that, "I know we've made mistakes," while at the same time attacking those who question. This is a mentality that does nothing for organizational growth.
Religion by its very nature is based in uncertainty. Whether it's dealing with God, the Prophets, Angels, Demons, the soul and the supernatural...these are claims that are in the end based on faith. They can't be proven or falsified. It is for this reason that I find myself drawn to the attempt at ethics religion does...as well as to the stories and myths...some of which are amazing tools for teaching and growing. The practical application and "Living the best you can be," within your faith tradition or no faith tradition is what I hope for. One should live by the higher truth of the Good/virtue relating to the self and to others.
I have some issues with the Dalai Lama that I'll bring up in another post, but he does have a quote I believe is relevant to my current beliefs about religion,
"Whatever that makes you more compassionate, more sensible, more detached, more loving, more humanitarian, more responsible, more ethical. The religion that would that for you is the best religion. I am not interested my friend, about your religion or if you are religious or not. What really is important to me is your behavior in front of your peers, family, work, community, and in front of the world. Remember, the universe is the echo of our actions and our thoughts."
How in interpret the Universe bit at the end is karma, which is the fact that our actions have consequences. What we do and how we treat people matters. It is this simple truth that so often we miss in whatever stories we pick up and believe about ourselves and others.
Have you ever had an overdue thing you've wanted to do, but it's taken forever to come together? This discussion was one of those moments for me. For at least a year now, this is a discussion I've been meaning to have. Father Raphael is a friend and one of the priests at the Catholic Newman Center at the University of Washington. One of his majors is philosophy and when he did a forum against Referendum 71 against Civil Unions becoming legal in Washington I came ready to ask questions and to hopefully help him see how going against Referendum 71 was unjust (since Gay couples deserve the respect and dignity straight couples receive). That day I learned a lot about Catholicism and made a friend (though neither of us was able to convince the other that our position was correct).
After that day we pretty much had a rain check to meet up to talk philosophy at some point in the future. This was a rain check that finally came together today.
The discussion began with a prayer for illumination to find truth.
It began with questions. When it comes to philosophy, asking questions is one of the few things I'm good at. Being a philosopher is something that I wouldn't call myself, because that takes a lot of work and I have not done all the work to be one. If anything, I'm simply a person with questions seeking answers and truth (and stories).
I asked first about the crucifixion and the issue of an evil act being done, and how it could be good? From there what we found was it was the reaction and intent behind the one experiencing the evil act (forgiveness, dying for sins) which came around not because of the act but in answer to the act. This was a distinction that we tackled first. The conclusion which ended being, just that: "Good can come out of Evil, but not because of the Evil."
We then discussed the New and Old Testament a bit. Old Testament Father versus Jesus (Genocide done by or in name of Father, and forgiveness and non-murderous nature of Jesus versus the Eternal Torment or Reward Jesus offered in the text versus the Old Testament not explicitly talking about Heaven or Hell).
I brought up the question, "How can infinite reward or punishment exist for finite acts and life?
He answered that because of God's infinite goodness, a sin against Him, though finite from our perspective, takes on an infinite quality from an absolute perspective, since it is a sin against an infinite being.
We then discussed how we got to where we are (in relationship to religion). Father Raphael was raised Christian, but didn't become Catholic till much later in his life. It was when he was in college he halfway submitted to God on possibly pursuing the Priesthood (after completed PHD would be open to it) and eventually how the seed grew until he accepted it, even though it had never been an idea before. (I had asked how do you know when God is talking versus the mind?)
I asked because...I have tested prayer before, and I did have an experience that made me a Theist (Agnostic Theist in the end), so I was wondering if there was a better way. Since I would like to take each religion on the basis of their claims and test the claims (Both Paul and Buddha said to test something before putting belief in it).
We talked a little bit about how all faiths have similar core values but differ in their Thesis's on what it means to be a member (which was an argument against relativism I thought - which there are many since that philosophy doesn't hold).
I told my faith journey about being born and raised Mormon till I was 11, and then raised Unitarian Universalist after that. The searching that is a such a huge part of UUism is something that I still carry with me to this day.
We then talked about relationship (in regards to God) since his sermon the day before had referenced the darkness that many believers have felt (Saint Tereza of the Flower felt near the end of her life that if she went with her feelings she would be an atheist) and how God is looking for true friendship (people who stick through the darkness of separation - in romantic relationship - when the strong romantic feelings aren't there all the time or are hard to feel). It was a great conversation. I don't know any couple who has not been in that place of drought within romantic relationship, and I know both my girlfriend and I have felt it at times too.
Eventually it went too what I believe now. Right now, I think there is a lot I'm figuring out. I do believe in living love and respect for all though (which is constant growth and long way to go), and continuing to seek truth.
I mentioned that part of the test for me in regards to religion is if two of my mentors who are an amazing gay couple would be accepted...since I've seen the goodness their relationship is built on, and the good that has come out of it.
Father Raphael brought up that that is coming from my own definition of virtue and good (Versus the Abrahamic faiths which are by Revelation (God speaking). We talked about on that (I think it was earlier) what Revelation means.
"If humans are imperfect, how does Revelation work?"
"God makes certain word is recorded as he intends it."
Father Raphael also brought up Priests who don't follow Church teachings (not following what the Bible says in regards to gays having to live celebate, or being full of hate as many Protestant groups act towards gays). He mentioned that gays who do try to do this are often isolated from within their own communities (which is true and not right, but I think the Church in regards to this has not been good to the gay community for those who do not want to believers and want to be treated with respect as those who are).
A conversation for another day would be questions about the Catholic Church (of which I have a lot of) in regards to transparency and the past, as well as gender issues in relationship to men's and women's role and Church leadership, as well as church verse state issues, but those are a conversation for another day. It was a great conversation and I am lucky to have had it and the friendship that helped facilitate it.
