Temple Square and Why I'm not a Mormon - Temple Square Area - Salt Lake City, Utah - September 7th, 2014

       It's been a while since I've explored my reasons for not believing in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and why I don't think I could ever rejoin. The last post I did that explored my story was this one here: http://thereligiousoutsider.blogspot.com/2011/05/mormonism-and-me-leaving-organized.html, and a lot of still stands though I didn't really go into the details behind the why and what I meant by behind certain things like the racism and sexism and the historicity issues. 

     With those post I don't mean to offend, but I'm not going to lie. This was my first time going and exploring Temple Square since I was a little kid and it was here that really captured a lot of the pros and cons of the Mormon Faith for me. Obviously the cons outweigh or else I'd be a member, so I'll tell about my experiences of revisiting the Mormon Mecca here. 

    My friend lives right next to Temple Square and after visiting the Greek Festival I decided coming here would be a good way to both see how the Church tells it's own story and through that illustrate my reasons for why I don't believe in it. Much like the articles posted around Trinity Orthodox Cathedral, Temple Square is the Thesis Statement of the Mormon Church that explores how it sees itself. 

     The first place we reached was the home of Brigham Young, this is a guy who had some similar problems to Joseph Smith as he took a bunch of wives (some of whom already had husbands in Joseph Smith's case or were young (14 or younger) like Aisha and Muhammad) and believed it was his right because he was a Prophet to do so. He was pretty racist towards African and Native Americans too.

        

     After Brigham Young's home we reached the area where the Church Office is and the Joseph Smith memorial building. The area was beautiful, but the the memorial building was closed on Sunday. 

       One very positive thing about this area is how green it is. There are lots of flowers and trees and it really is a beautiful area, there is another side to this too, which I'll get into further down. The area itself reminded me of a greener Vatican actually, in more than a few ways. Came here with my cousin when I first moved here and I do love how pristine and beautiful the location is. 

     The next place we visited was the North Temple Visitor Center. It was here it had the brief history of the 40 years it took to build the Temple and showed a small miniature house of it too. One of the reasons I couldn't be a Mormon is actually the existence of the Temple, much like how non-Muslims aren't allowed in Mecca, non-Mormons aren't allowed in the Temple and for me it is difficult a God would be that exclusive. More often than not exclusivity leads to isolation of perspective which makes it difficult to see where others may be coming from because if you have the exclusive truth than everyone else must be wrong...and when it comes to religion that claim is more often than not something based on faith which can't be proven with evidence by it's very nature.  

       After we found a video of some of the current President/Prophet's talks and one of the ones we listened was great until it got into theology. It basically covered everyday things that are important, like honesty and integrity. It was once the Bible and Book of Mormon were quoted that it felt like a non-sequitur argument. Also the Family Proclamation on the wall was a pretty big "Only Certain Families are Welcome" thing as it excludes Gay families and the sheer diversity of families from re-marriages and divorces, poly, and single parents raising children or existing as a couple. This is sad as there is so much beauty that can exist in these relationships and that it matters less the type of family it is and more the character of a family. A couple being a straight couple does not make them good, they could be abusive or have any other types of problems. Just because people can have kids, does not make them good parents. I hope someday this proclamation can be expanded to include all families and have more focus on character rather than family make-up as this proclamation is part of what fed the homophobia against LGBTQ folks in the U.S. and lead to the funding against Gay Marriage in California and elsewhere in the U.S.A. 

     The other issue I have is tied to not seeing any evidence on any person being able to have otherworldly powers or predict the future. Because of this I don't believe in the existence of prophets in any religion, though certainly open to the possibility. 

      Afterwords we visited The Assembly Hall which is a place for non-members to come and worship, I am glad this place exists as it is one of the more areas of simple beauty on Temple Square and it isn't big or large like most of the other buildings on the premise...and it is an area that welcomes all, which is good, even if it doesn't have the same significance of the Temple. The inside is simple with an organ, wooden seats with the most ornate thing being granite pillars inside the Hall. 

   

      Our next stop was the Church History Museum. First I'll go into the good, it showed the struggle of a lot of the immigrants who came across the plains and oceans to get to Utah for religious freedom. What it doesn't say though is how there were people already there. The natives are only mentioned as Lamanites the 13th Tribe of Israel (historically inaccurate, Native American's don't have any Jewish genes) and how Jesus came and preached to them. This is shown later on the floor on the top level where Joseph Smith is shown preaching to the natives. It has an imperialistic feel to it as the warrior natives look frightened as Smith and another preach, this was disturbing on a lot of levels because it showed the racism and justification of both Manifest Destiny (Zion is ours on this Land) and Imperialism (educating the sinful natives and saving them from the wrongs committed by their ancestors). The issue of polygamy (saying it's right and God wants it and after saying it's wrong and God doesn't want it), racism (Black's exclusion from the Priesthood for a long time) or the Mountain Meadows Massacre (Mormon Settlers targeting other Settlers and attempting to frame the Native Americans in the process) are never addressed either, it's a very idealized picture that does a disservice to the First People's of Utah and the complex history of the Church (the darker sides are never dealt with). The Vatican was very similar in regards to not showing the darker side of the Catholic Church's history which I wish more religions did...confessing the problems of your past up front does solve some issues as it shows integrity and with that a possible willingness to learn from the lessons from those mistakes.  

    I think one interpretation we may see and might currently exist among some believers of the Book of Mormon is it all being mythology and symbolic. Similar to the Old Testament and more fantastical events of the New Testament. If this catches on it could be a step in the right direction in relation to the Native Americans here and the actual history of this place. 

      The next place we went to were the Church grounds, which are beautiful and right near is a covered patio with chairs, a great area for reading. Right next to it would be part of what I see as the problem both in the Vatican and other Churches too. The homeless are kept out. 

    If you look across from Temple Square you see City Creek, where the church invested a lot of it's money. Just outside the gates is a homeless man. I heard from my friend the Church does provide a service where homeless can work for lodging and food, but I haven't seen it (though I know individual members who do care for the poor and other groups in need). Everywhere in the city I've seen the poor being cared for by religious organization are the Catholics (the area near Cathedral of the Madeline, Catholic Community Service in Old Greek Town and The Virgin of Guadalupe Church in the poor area of Salt Lake City). I haven't seen any of that, looking out the door I saw tons of money that was poured into City Creek. The Orthodox Church had businesses endorsing an event, but the Church didn't own any of the businesses. The Mormon Church owns City Creek, which is good publicity, but all one has to do is see how the poor are being kept out for image and how much money was poured into a mall, also in regards to the Trinity Orthodox Church visit, I saw no charities or food banks in regards to the poor in Utah, it was more more focused on self and not self in relation to the outside, which for me is a problem if religion is supposed to make one better. 

     I'm sure the Church provides services, but I haven't seen them in the areas that need it the most and Temple Square feels less welcome to all when a homeless man has to beg outside the gates...it kind of promotes the exclusivity problem. 

     If you've been reading the blog you know where I stand on equality of leadership in any organization (a person's sex should not bar them from leadership positions in any hierarchy) and the matter of Gay Rights. These are the biggest reasons beyond my agnosticism of the Supernatural and the historicity of the Book of Mormon and Bible for why I could not become a Mormon. I do have hope that these things will be dealt with as time passes, as in the case of Gay Rights especially there are consequences, there are many homeless gay youth on the streets because of how they have been rejected by their families because of their sexual orientation. There are people and families excluded for who they are. How does that make any sense in reference to a loving higher power? This is hardly just a problem in Mormonism, my biggest issues are pretty universal in most conservative religious communities, but this was my visit to the Temple Square area and visit the locations and my chance to explore it in regards to Mormonism first hand.

Native American Genetic Ancestry: http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/2014/02/12/earliest-american-genome-proves-siberian-origins-for-native-peoples/

Joseph Smith: http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/

Brigham Young: http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/57241071-78/church-lds-says-mormon.html.csp

Mormon Church and Marriage Equality: http://online.wsj.com/articles/SB122186063716658279

Religious Tensions in Peru - Saqsayhuaman - August 23rd, 2013

      Saqsayhuaman, here was a site that had been torn apart for the building of cathedrals and the fighting of the Incas after the conquest of Cuzco. It was here the Inca resisted for a month before all the underground tunnels were finally discovered by the Spanish. In a way it became a symbol of resistance. Like most of the other places we'd been to this place also had religion signifigant to the Inca. The first was the "Giant Head" of the Ancestor. It looked like it had one eye and represented wisdom and the masters who had come before. It was really cool. On the sides were carved chairs in which the priests could sit.

   After Puma told us this about the place we played a quick game of hide and seek (the area is huge) before making our way to the area that once an artificial lake. To get there we had to pass through the darkest cave I have ever gone through.

    After leaving the cave and entering the bright day once more it felt amazing. It was waking up almost since the darkness had been so confining. It was a pretty neat experience.

    Once we got the artificial lake we walked over it to the main area. In the main area there were llamas grazing and a volcanic altar across from the terraces where the llamas were eating. The area was huge and it was here we learned about all the stones that had been taken from the site to build the cathedrals. It was interesting how the old religion became building blocks for the new here and how even those buildings in the context of colonialism could not destroy the amazingness of the site. As much as has been lost, all the more remains strong and expansive.

     It was here Puma told us the story of how Pope John Paul II had come here and given a speech and placed a cross on the site that had been struck by lightning later on due to metal below the surface. He also talked about how the cross had angered the elders who saw it infringing upon a place sacred to them and their ancestors.

     As part of Saqsayhuaman a large White Jesus Christ was built. By Rebi, Puma and others it has been nicknamed "The Sexy Women" another name for the site. It is beautiful, which is where I think the name might come from. The Jesus and the history of this site show the tension that very much still exists between Christianity and the native religions in the area...and given the history, it understandably will probably never fully go away.

Machu Picchu - August 22nd, 2013

    Machu Picchu, there is a reason it is considered one of the Wonders of the World. I was glad I got to spend a whole day here, with all its rewards and challenges. The day began with Rebi and I meeting the group who had just got off the Inca Trail near the Sun Window. We weren't able to make it all the way up to the Window before the tour began though. It was great being with everyone in the group again.  

       The first place we visited in the Temple were the agricultural terraces before making our way over to the first sacred area. The area was supposed to represent the center of the world and had a rock that a compass could be placed upon. The area was large too and had unfinished windows (not all the windows had the three sections to represent the Puma, Condor and Serpent), but it was still really cool. From there we worked our way higher up.

     At the top we reached the Sun Altar and the the Altar to Wayna Picchu. Wayna Picchu is the huge mountain that you see in the background in every picture in Peru, it is a huge peak and it was used for initiation ceremonies for youth. Once you reach the top after crossing through the Puma Cave you are seen as initiated. The altar in the picture above is for those who couldn't climb the mountain cor ceremonies. Being at this mountain was seen as symbolically making the climb, since the Altar is the highest point in Temple area.

hat

                                                      The Sun Altar

                                             Wayna Picchu

    After we were at the Temple the group separated with a few of us choosing to make the climb to Wayna Picchu. I was one of the folks who decided to do it. What an amazing climb it was! Most of it was completely uphill and through caves and around the face of the mountain. When I reached the top I felt alive. There is nothing quite like reaching the top of a mountain.

                                           Machu Picchu from Wayna Picchu  
 It was here I took pictures with my Mom, Step-Dad, brother and another member of our group who had made it to the top. It was great to sit and reflect, and for some time it was just our group up there.

  After that we decided to make our way down. Seeing a sign to the Sacred Cave we decided to visit there too. It was there I hit trouble. I was almost out of water and completely ran out when we reached the caves.

     The first cave was the Moon Goddess Cave. It was here I rested and recuperated. It was a peaceful place and there birds who had made this cave their home.

      The final stop was the Sacred Cave which was full of meteors where we all meditated for a while to get rid of thoughts or feelings that didn't serve our growth in anyway. The thoughts of course are always with us, but it did help me get rid of my worry about the climb I was about to make to get back without water.

    The journey back to Machu Picchu was physically the most difficult thing I've done. With our limited water supply and me completely out we eventually made it back after 2 hours of mostly climbing uphill from the Sacred Caves which were at the bottom and backside of Wayna Picchu. It was here I learned how to make the most of my body and just how powerful the mind can be for pushing forward. It was hard but, the visit to those caves was worth it nonetheless.

                                            The Condor's head in the Temple of the Condor

     The last place we visited was the housing area and the Temple of the Condor. Both were beautiful areas and emphasized once more just how religious this place had been. One of the theories I learned was that it was a Monastery for religious Inca and with all the religious sites there (seven, plus the Sacred Caves) I could see why it was. Each area is made to compliment the land and honor the symbols that are supposed to be mean something more than just the physical world (though there is a chance there might be all there is). I learned the power of endurance, and even found peace in physical hardship on the trail while at the same time got to walk through history. Machu Picchu, I shall return.

On the Condor - Pisac, Peru - August 17th, 2013

                                                        Burial Temples at Pisac

      After over 24 hours of travel, the last thing I expected was to experience Peru so soon. One of the guides picked me up at the airport and took me to meet the group in Cuzco (where we would not be staying because of a labor strike) and off we would head to Pisac.

     The group was all ages, ranging from late 50's all the way to my youngest sister at 16. All were connected to my Mom through family or work. As exhausted as I was, I was excited to begin the adventure. The first place on our list was Pisac.

    Pisac is a giant Mountain shaped like a condor, where at the head mummies were once buried. It's a burial ground the pre-dates the Incas. Around the Condor are buildings were the mummies were created and were ritual was done.

 

Area of the Burial Ground in Pisac, The Condor's Head

    I've always found cemeteries comforting (I'm weird like that). There is something to be said for knowing that you will eventually die, and to see the history of those who have come before you. Cemeteries are history. Depending on how old the cemeteries are (like the one that is Pisac) there can be family lines tracing back generations. There is beauty in a cemetery.

     It was here our guide talked about how the Condor represents our higher self and
letting go or killing the parts of ourselves we no longer need or that are holding us back. The Condor is a carrion bird so has always represented death and the afterlife to the Incas, or the Upper World. This place was also the Air Temple (later we would be going to the Temple of the other 3 Ele
ments). While here I meditated and imagined a Condor flying into my chest. It felt comforting...before I fell asleep. Over the last 2 days I had gotten a total of 6 hours of sleep. Thankfully the sleep helped and when I woke up I explored the site a lot more and talked to my oldest youngest sister about her experiences in Peru.

   Lastly a member in our group had created a bunch of Peruvian crosses that she brought to the site to be blessed. Standing there with the group I couldn't help but feel connected. I was standing on history and with
 with the group ready for the next leg of the adventure.

Religion in China - A Reflection of my Experiences

   What an experience the last year has been. The experience of the people, the history, religion and my time as a teacher are memories I will never forget. I might be teaching one last year in China as well, though that is something I'm still figuring out.

    Religion in China is complicated. Historically it has been used to both promote the status quo of power (power of the gentry and noblemen through Confucianism and the Emperor as "Son of Heaven") while also acting a force of resistance against the gentry in government, as seen by movements such as the Yellow Scarves, the Taiping Rebellion and others. Many times they were used to empower the people by having communal food for all and other means of supporting the families who joined said movements.

     An interesting point is that even the Cultural Revolution could not do away with the old traditions. The old ways were never fully crushed. This past school year I worked in the countryside and took part in Mid-Autumn Festival with my colleague who is also a friend and saw the fruits that were laid out in honor of the Moon Festival and in hopes of wealth and success.

     First I want to mention Confucianism and how important it has been historically in relationship to education. When Confucianism became the base for the hypothetical reason for lords being able to advance, China became one of the earliest meritocracies. This focus on reading, writing and general knowledge in Confucianism is a part of the Chinese system that lives on this day, and is something any nation can learn from.

     I also visited Linggue Temple in Baoying a few times and witnessed how much a part of life it is for the community. The Temple is an important part of funerals, marriages, births and festivals. A few years ago I saw Fajing Temple in Hangzhou serving the same purpose. Religion in China helps with facing all the different parts of an individuals life.


    Though like America, there is also the corruption and connection to Money. At Linggue Temple my friend and I would get conned by a man who worked there and I would witness in Suzhuo the Xuan Miao Taoist Temple and it's connection to money by blessing gold at a gold shop that sat just outside the Temple...that whole area was the market and material meeting the ancient rituals and philosophy that contradicted said materialism.  


     China has also had a great diversity of faith. The Abrahamic Faiths of Judaism, Islam and Christianity have all settled to some degree in China (less so Judaism though), as well as the ancient traditions that still carry on and the big three of Confucianism, Buddhism and Taoism. 


     The big three with a few exceptions still live the contemplativeness of their past teachers. Many a Buddhist and Toaist Temple can still be found on top of a mountain, and most temples are designed to be large spaces...like a cathedral. You can get lost in reflection and can see how nature is always changing and impermanent in the fish, plants and turtles that are living within the Temples. 


     There will always be more to write, but these are some of the major things I noticed during my amazing year teaching in China. 


   

St. Paul's Church - Nanjing, China - May 13th, 2012

Today was the day I would be seeing much more of the Christian community that makes up Nanjing. The church was St. Paul's Church, an Anglican Church founded in 1923. When I arrived it was crowded as in the main Chapel a wedding was being prepared for. It was a bit overwhelming because of all the people...I then got a call from my friend who let me know where the English service was, which was in a smaller but more spacious, less crowded area in a different building. 

The theme of the service was the love of God. As the program said at the beginning, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." 

When I arrived it had just begun so I caught the scripture reading and Apostles Creed before the hymn and then sermon. 

The first thing I noticed was how humble the place was. There was a single wooden cross in front of red drapes and the altar where the people would go to speak. The second thing I noticed was the music. Those old English hymns when sung by a good choir are some of the most heavenly things in the world. That was a major good that I experienced today, was the beauty of those hymns. 

The sermon was from a brother of the church. He was quite passionate and talked about how love of Jesus means claiming souls. This line reminded me of how Christianity and Islam are the most aggressive religions historically when it comes to gaining converts (through peaceful and military means). For a while a lot of it was good and I thought he was describing virtue really well (carrying for the sick and for others, as well as loyalty to friends), and then he went off on a tangent. He brought gay marriage into it and seemed to be saying two things:

1) Those who believe in Gay Marriage are moral relativists and that "The world is" (which isn't not always true). 

2) That there are false prophets in the Church who support gay marriage. 

His words reminded me of how unwelcome the Church can be to people and how the love isn't unconditional, but conditional. The ironic thing in it was that some interpretations of Jonathan's relationship to David was in fact homosexual and that was what he was using to illustrate how we should love and be loyal to God (unlike Saul who used David for his vanities). 

Besides the end of the sermon/tangent, it was a really enjoyable service. It was great being there with my friend I'd made last week. Afterwords I joined him and his friends for Lunch and their had a discussion with one of them in regards to Christianity versus philosophy in what should be valued. Both of us believed in truth and virtue the difference was I doubted the Bible and Christ as God (Christ can be a great example for how to live I think, just like Lao Tzu and the other great men), but I do think admitting ones own flaws and being honest about it is the only way to move forward and to grow as a person (or for a peoples to grow). 

Where we differed most was I believe our relationships to others and our own actions are the most important thing that we know (living virtuously and growing), as well as the quest for truth. He believed that the truth came down from Jesus and that humanity is so broken that only belief saves us (via reward in the afterlife due to Jesus's sacrifice on the cross). 

He brought up the C.S. Lewis Trilemma of Jesus being "Lunatic, Liar or Lord," as proof of Jesus's divinity, which for me didn't quite do it. There have been many throughout history who were delusional on some things but still super smart and ethical on others. He was flawed and human like them. What makes him different? 

He's a kinesthetic learner and all about experience. His experiences with people who are believers and through church and relationship made him who he is. For me that's true as well, but so much of my experience of learning is through books, hearing, introspection and that was when we realized how our ways of learning compliment one another. 

I told him I'd pray to Jesus and see what happens. Though I don't know if that's the best way to check the validity of Christianity (check it's claims) in regards to greater truths or the revelation it claims to be. Historically a lot of it doesn't hold up literally (Exodus, Genesis, Noah's Ark), but that doesn't change the value of the stories (though their are some un-virtuous practices in the Bible done in God's name). 

It was a great day and it reminds me why I do the blog. It's about the human relationships and the quest for truth...it's the discussions and the learning that comes through discussion, study and experience.

The Northern Temple Pagoda (Beisi Ta) - Suzhou, China - March 31st, 2012

One of the first things I noticed about the Temples in Suzhou (and most of the things in Suzhou) is that many of the sites that people can visit are cheap or free. The North Temple Pagoda (Beisi Ta in Chinese) is one of the places that nearly anyone regardless of income would be able to visit, especially compared to the Temple prices in most of the big cities like Nanjing, Shanghai and Hangzhou.

At the gate were tourist busses (every major site has them) and people selling their wares, as well as some old beggars at the gate. To get there Randy and I had walked for nearly an hour from the Humble Administrator's Garden.

At the entrance of the Temple just past the gate is a giant fat laughing Buddha sitting down behind a large stone altar. The Buddha is made of stone and his face and form is such a joyful way to be greeted in such a place as this.

The Temple itself isn't all that large for being a tourist site, which really leaves so much of it's charm and holiness of the place. In the center of the grounds rises the 9 story Pagoda (was once 11). In the middle of the Pagoda is Guan Yin draped in a red cape. The darkness adds peacefulness to the place and the narrow passageway to her is like a baby's entrance to and from the womb. I did the three bows as the other folks who passed through were doing and noticed an old couple whose seemed the most present in the act of worship (compared to some of the younger folks and the few tour groups).

After that we climbed to the second floor before descending back down. It was good we didn't go farther up, the walls have no railings on the way down making it rather dangerous (combined with the small worn down steps). The Pagoda is ancient dating all the way back to the 3rd Century, and being rebuilt once more in 1582.

After exciting the Pagoda we entered the Temple grounds where incense was being burned by couples and individuals. It was here I bought some incense and burned it for my friend Hien who had died last year. Since her funeral I've been wanting to visit but have been unable to, so in China I've wanted to honor her here.

The Three Great Golden Buddhas rose up as I bowed three times towards them with the incense that was afire and then placed it upon the sand where the others stood. In China three is lucky number. Packs of incense are in three, every Temple usually has three figures at the back.

When I left my heart was full of remembrance and time felt as if it had slowed down as I left the grounds with Randy.

Garden Tombyard of Puhaddin - Yangzhou, China, March 11th, 2012

The last place of historical and religious significance we would visit was the Tombyard of Puhaddin. Beyond the peacefulness of the place, the thing that stood out was how well the place had been kept and the history of the relationship between China and Islam that was present.

The Tombyard is still used today for some worship services and because of it some areas are locked off from tourists...such as the prayer hall which I was able to catch a glimpse of through the small windows that covered the door of the hall.

The entrance to the Tombyard is a large gate which leads into a garden that's not feeling it's best. A lot of the grass and plants are dead and the water looks a bit malnourished, but there are still areas where it feels like a peaceful garden should...such as the hill top that leads the second gate where there are areas to sit and rest.

The second gate is like an entrance to any Temple where its a circular entrance, though the colors are not temple colors. The Tombyard itself is made up of greens and whites as the main color. One of the areas that stands out the most in the Tombyard is the Pagoda that was made where prayer is called. It is made in the style of Chinese architecture (the curved roof) though at the top is a moon, a symbol of Islam and where we were located. Right next to the Pagoda was a walkway honoring a general whom an Emperor had honored. We went up to the top of the Pagoda and were able to see the building housing some of the greater Tombs (Like Puhaddin's Tomb). The Tombyard is a mixture of Chinese and Arabic architecture which really gives it a feeling of history (beyond the ancient tombstones themselves). It is quite a lovely and peaceful and has so much information.

Beyond the second gate is where the gravestones are as well. The gravestones date all the way back to the Song Dynasty, and in the room across from the tombs are coal copies of Yuan Dynasty era tombstones with translations of what had been inscribed in Arabic. Each room has its purpose listed, as well as when it was built and its importance to the Muslim community in Yangzhou.

The area had so much history present. Both of the warriors honored in the Tomb and those the Chinese Lords had chosen to honor like Puhaddin who was a teacher in Yangzhou. Most of the people honored were warriors and merchants from the Song all the way to the Qing Dynasty.

While we were there a small tour group was being lead through all the areas of the Tombyard. Historically China has never been at odds with Islam even though Chinese and Muslim Empires had fought in the past, there isn't the same legacy of the crusades and conquest of Spain and the Ottoman conquest and because of it, there isn't the same bad blood between China and Islam as there is between Europe and Islam.

The area spoke of harmony between the two cultures and could be seen in a small way in the small tour group where the Muslim guide guided a more traditional looking Chinese family through the Tombyard telling of the rich history of this powerful place.

Taipin Heavenly Kingdom Museum - Nanjing, China - February 26th, 2012

This entry will be one of my more stranger entries in the Faith Blog. For one it's not a proper house of worship. The Museum was once the home of a Ming General before the Taiping rebellion conquered Nanjing and made it their capital. It then become the home of the leader of the rebellion.

The quarters themselves are wonderful in their layout. At the entrance as you pass by the trees you meet a bust of Hong Xiuquan that greets you as you enter. Behind him is a painting that looks like a propaganda poster with him riding in his white and yellow robes being greeted by cheers from the peasants. The man himself was born Hakka and failed the Imperial Exam three times.

Inbetween he experienced a vision which he would later interpret as his meeting of God and Jesus. He would believe that he was then told that he was Jesus's younger brother. This would inspire his movement which in turn was inspired by Protestant tracts he'd read growing up.

The Taiping rebellion believed that as an end goal the land should be redistributed the peasants and that those who have nothing should be then receive something more as part of his Taiping Heavenly Kingdom. He never did this and had it as a work progress "To be initiated at a certain time." So he could tax to fund his rebellion and Kingdom. He was pretty fanatical in his religious devotion, at one point creating an edict that the men and women would be separated until he agreed they should be together again.

What is also fascinating is how much he still kept the old ways though. There were royal robes and dragons that decorated the hall, and though there was peasant art of the animals of the countryside, what represented royalty were still grand dragons.

In a way this showed the corruption of power, and also the power of inspiration and visions. He started a whole new way of being and because of his inspiration coming from the state of the peasantry is a bit of a hero to the Party in China. He was the first to propose land distribution and a highly organized resistance to Imperial and Colonial power.


He was also probably a bit nuts...which makes me think of all the others who have taken them for themselves. Whether it was John the Baptist, Elijah, Moses, Muhammad, Jesus and others...They weren't exactly what you called stable. Unlike the other people of this time period and religious heroes of China...these people rocked the boat. Not like Confucius, Laozi and Buddha who at the core saw change as being gradual and inevitable and therefore to upset harmony would be to go against virtue, since it would be failing to recognize how all people are connected and part of a greater whole.

I think I relate much more to them, even as I find inspiration in the prophets and monotheistic holy men who did a lot of good and a lot of bad in their decisiveness and shaking of the status quo.

Mormonism and Me - Leaving Organized Religion

     First, many of you may be wondering why I was in Utah. I initially came down to Utah to see my family and to run in the "Race for the Cure" in solidarity with one of my Aunts and my Grandmas who both had breast cancer. My Grandmother was in surgery for her's the day I arrived and that same day my Grandfather had heart attack in which he ended up in coma. The day I did "Race for the Cure" with many members of my Father's side of my the family, my Grandfather died.

    I will miss him but am grateful for the life he lead, in all his strengths and weaknesses and for always being a kind, compassionate, gentle person to me, my family and my grandmother.  

     I could never describe fully how much my family means to me, and how grateful I was to be here with them through all that was going on. I hope to attend my Grandfather's funeral as well to honor the life he lived and his memory. His funeral is this Wednesday.

     Writing all of this, I hope I do not hurt any of my family in moving forward from my relationship with the Mormon Church. There is much history here and in doing so I'll be exploring the reason for my own and my Mom and Mother's Mom's non-belief in the Church, because in it you can catch a much fuller narrative of where my story picks up and what I believe.

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     This has been a blog post that I knew that I would be writing at some point, and fittingly enough it's on Mother's Day since it's my Mother and her Mother who really start the narrative. Mine and my siblings story really picks up when my Mother's story comes full circle connecting once again to her Mother's story.

     Let's begin with my Grandmother. My Grandmother was adopted by her Aunt who was a devout Mormon. My Grandmother questioned the Church doctrine, especially why when she was growing, why African American's could not receive the priesthood. This lead to her leaving when she was given the reason I've heard of "The Church was not ready." Understandably this rubbed her the wrong way, did God only care and give his gifts to people of European Descent? Is God racist? The Native Americans were also a lost tribe of Israel and had darker skin because they were cursed? What? In the writings the Prophets Joseph Smith and Brigham she would read there racism towards African Americans, Native Americans and sexism which in turn lead to her leaving the Church at age 16. Which in turn lead to her doubting their overall claims.

    The Age of 16. This the age my mother would join the Church. Drawn to the main narrative of families being together forever as part of Heavenly Father's Plan. My Mom grew up a Navy Brat and for much of her life her Father was at sea serving in Vietnam.

    The Church offered stability that she had never been able to find. I heard that stability today in the sermon. That in obedience to our Heavenly Father as our Heavenly Mother is, and by the example of our Lord Jesus Christ who atoned for our sins. From here there is paradise with the Mormon Family and meeting all the people who were not born into bodies yet or who died and returned to their spiritual bodies.

     Obedience, for good measure this rubbed Mom the wrong way. She studied the Bible and Book of Mormon so thoroughly, yet because she was a woman she was never taken seriously when she brought issues of reform. Such as letting the girl scouts go on camping trips, or having more money go to serving the poor rather then building temples. She also researched Joseph Smith and Brigham Young and found that she was living something she was unable to believe. She literally stayed for us kids, until worried how her autistic child who wasn't into playing sports (me) would probably be eaten alive by a culture that didn't do well with non-conformity (breaking gender roles is no, because it's part of God's plan). She finally left for me and for all the issues her Mother found with the Church. This brings me to my own story.

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    When I had completed the 5th Grade we left Utah to Michigan and Mom told us the reasons she left. We understood her lack of power she had felt and supported her in her exploration of different faiths. Something we ourselves would do.

    My early memories of the Church certainly weren't of genuine belief so leaving it wasn't so hard. I enjoyed singing, I loved my family and spending time with them. But I never thought about Joseph Smith's claims and was honestly much more interested in the animal kingdom and dinosaurs...Church was something I did because I had to do, it was where community twas that I felt separate from anyway (except my family), and the sacraments at best were fun. When I was 8 I was baptized and the first thing I said when I came out of the warm water was, "That was fun." After my Dad baptized me.

    Leaving Utah was hard though, because my family was all there. No longer would there be giant family reunions I could catch (due to distance WA and MI and time), well up until now and finishing college.

   It was this time I was a part of the Unitarian Universalist Church with my Mom...but even then, I was searching but not thinking all that deeply. It really wasn't until high school that I really began exploring religion in depth...and in the process became an atheist. I read the stories of Ex-Mormons and saw how they mirrored Moms, I read any information I could find on Joseph Smith and explored Christianity, Judaism and other faiths as well. What I found (which was my interest in middle school) was how connected they were to mythology.

The Mythology connection:

     Jesus the Man God, who rose again. Muhammad the Prophet who ascended to the sky and created a Holy Book that God told him  to say. Joseph Smith who was visited by God and Jesus and the Angel Maroni who gave him the Golden plates the new completed True Gospel (like what the Prophet Muhammad claimed the Quran to be). The Hindu, Norse, Greek and Egyptian Pantheons, some of whom died and were resurrected. The Legends surrounding the Buddha.

Prophecy - I see more reason to doubt all the prophecies in any of the Holy Books then accept them. I think the people who made them tried to make the most of their situation (I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt then call them scam artists) cause it seems they genuinely believed. Be it Isaiah, Joseph Smith or Muhammad...but within prophecy it's easy to see where they drew inspiration from. They drew inspiration from the stories and legends of their day and with it composed a narrative that represented many of the thoughts of their time...in all it's ethical (Golden Rule) and unethical claims (Racism, sexism, homophobia, genocide, war) that were made.

Male Priesthood Authority -This is a huge issue for me. The Orthodox Christian and Jewish faiths aren't that different from Mormonism on this issue. Same with the Catholic Church, the Baptists, Pentecostals, Islam and other conservative religious traditions. Why should a man only be allowed to preach and be allowed to lead a congregation? Why must a woman submit to a man? Besides the excuse of God wanting as the natural order of things and way HE meant things to be, I have not heard a single good reason why this is ethical. Partnership involves submitting to one another and working together. This tradition arose out of the era when women were seen as chattel and in the same area of property as animals. Look at the Holy Books (Quran, Book of Mormon, The Bible (Old and New Testament) and you see that female rights were minimal at best. The father made the decisions for the daughter and the wife, they had little to no power EVER.
      My experience with this has seen the abuse of this authority, if God is the only one watching a man can do whatever he wants to a woman if she doesn't listen to him (the Bible prescribes the beating of children for example) and he'd have doctrine to back him if he looked hard enough...just like the justifications for racism, sexism, slavery and genocide that exist in the Holy Books. Man is the head of the household afterall...

  When it comes to praying, preaching and understanding a book or leading a group a woman is just as qualified as a man. So why shouldn't she have the same authority as one on matters that involve such things? The only reasons I've heard is because "God says so," or "Her role is an important one, but not the same - separate but equal (which has been used to justify oppression in the past)."

Myth - A personal God, Angels, Demons are by their very nature mythical (as in the only proof for them lies in myths) as are miracles and the laws of nature being stopped, reversed, ect. Which makes revelation itself mythical since it usually calls on common myths and mythical language to paints it's narrative.

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    During all this time the Church didn't accept are leaving and "No" as an answer. Missionaries were sent to our home 5 times that I'm aware of. The Boy Scouts came over and at one point girls from the Church invited us (my Brother and I) to a sleep over and dance.

     I saw that the ex-Mormons had experienced similar and worse things and in that knowledge accumulated much bitterness towards the Church that I've continually sought to move on from once I became fully aware of the fact that I was bitter that the Church did not accept "No," and it's actions towards apostates and of the harm that had been done in it's name to Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Queer and Transgender people who I knew (some of my friends in high school). I would learn though that was an issue in other faith traditions as well, as other blog posts have described.

     It didn't end there though. At one point the Interfaith group at Eastshore my Mom was a leader of visited the Mormon Church near my house. The service felt targeted at converting us non-believers, which is in Church doctrine, but after other Churches being much more natural and having standard services, this one felt a bit off. This might have been my own chip I was carrying with me though that informed this view point. I wasn't aware of it really, until I'd matured a bit more.

    The Church became a taboo in discussion with my family and for what's it worth I was grateful for that because I didn't have to forgive what happened. I could hold onto it. It wasn't until I began to work on forgiveness as a whole that I recognized the weight that I carried.

      It was around that time I became an Agnostic Deist who believed in the main of tenants of Buddhism and Taoism, which I am to this day...the teaching allowed me to let go, since it was attached to the ego, and with it the bitterness has healed. 

    I talked to my cousins last time I was here about Gay Rights and the Mormon Church and found allies there who believed like I did in Gay Marriage being a right, and I also talked to my one of my cousins who was leaving on his mission. On the hike I found that mutual respect. Even though we didn't believe the same thing, I respect him for his beliefs and it seemed like he respected me.

    I hope the Church and other conservative religions can move forward on supporting all relationships built on love and consent and supporting freedom of discussion and questioning within themselves. That maybe literal definitions may not be the best approach. 

    The weight I carried clouded my perspective. My Dad's of the family has never tried to convert me and I have so much respect for that and honor them and the peace they find in the LDS faith. With my Grandfather's death, and reading my cousin's blog when he was on his mission I know the peace it offers to many believers.

    I think the institution as a whole needs to take responsibility for the evils of past (racism, sexism, homophobia), as does any institution...but I have hope someday it can. It's always difficult confronting our own mistakes, like my own bitterness and anger and growing from it, any person or institution (people within an institution) can do the same. Mistakes are opportunities to grow. Every Holy Book I know of has some immoral acts claimed in the name of righteousness and God (Genocide, Slavery, homophobia, Rape), but unlike books people change and can grow beyond the fear, hatred and backwardness of their ancestors. We were born with reason, morals, and the ability to empathize and feel for others whether inside our outside a faith. It's from these virtues that we move to create a better tomorrow and improve our institutions, communities and ourselves.

    Virtue and and living with virtue towards all people are things I believe in.

    So with peace I thank my family for supporting me in my non-belief of the Church and allowing me to grow on my own. For the Church for helping me with confronting my fears of public speaking (helped my Mom in the same way), and for the good it does do in the world in serving the poor.